Growth
by Maziikeen94
Summary: One woman's journey about discovering who you are and what you want.
1. Chapter 1

I've been here in this moment too long. I've allowed myself to be consumed by him. Now at his wedding, I feel everything that's happen- damn it hurts. It isn't about him not loving me, no, that I had known all along- but what hurts is how much space I allowed him to occupy in my life.

I've heard that love is about having enough courage to say something, but I've learned that real courage is not speaking, it's listening. Listening how they talk and what they say because the answers are always there. Always.

I remember when my heart shattered in my chest, leaving me hollow. He had just got into work and I had decided to tell him how I felt...

 _Flashback_

 _I walked into Morgan's office, hoping to talk, we haven't really seen each other much._

 _"Hey hotstuff, can we talk for a moment?"_

 _He looked up with a half smile, "Sure Garcia. What's up?"_

 _I wince a bit at his formal-ness. "Um...I know we haven't talked much lately, or hangout as much but I really want to change that. I miss you and I also,..."_

 _He cut her off, "I know Garcia, and it's nothing wrong your doing. It's just well, I met someone..." And his smile widen and I saw the twinkle in his eyes, and I restrained my tears from spilling out. "And she's the one, you know. We're getting married, and I've been busy getting the plans ready. Our wedding is in a couple month. Hotch is going to be my best man, Reid and Rossi groomsmen. JJ and Emily are going to be bridesmaids- Katherine and them really hit it off."_

 _I fought those damn tears, and said, "Congrats, Agent Morgan, I'm so happy for you and her both." I walked out thinking how they all knew and we're going to participant in the wedding and I was hurt. I realized that now it all made sense, the no invite to drinks after work, no more girls night. I realized that I had no family here. I also made the decision that I was going to leave the BAU for good._

 _End of flashback_

I sat at my table watching everyone smiling and laughing. I was happy for them all. Even if soon, I won't see them again. This, seeing Hotch laugh and smile with Emily, JJ and Reid dancing sweetly and Rossi with Strauss, it was nothing less than beautiful- even Morgan and Katherine. Looking at them whispering and smiling, didn't hurt as much as I expected. I bid everyone goodbye. Not that they really noticed, that too no longer hurt.

I went home to finish packing, and start painting the walls back to a Normal color. As I packed all the pictures, it was bittersweet. I didn't want to forget them or him. We did have good memories and even if they moved on and we stopped being the family we once were. I am going to cherish the memories of the times we were.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm wayyy off in time frame lol This occurs in season 4. While Aaron is divorce but Hayley wasn't killed, and I'm just having JJ not with Will, so no Henry, for now. Penelope is gonna miss a lot and the whole Emily thing as well. Although, it's going to be different in this story. But I'm weaving Alex in here too. :) I wanted to show Penelope fast forward- present time- and then when the team pops up, flashbacks. Anyway now I'm rambling sorry. Thanks for reading and hope you like:)**

 _5 years later_

Waking up to the smell of food is the best thing in the world. As I wiggle around I feel a little body clinging to my side and look down to see my daughter. Her beautiful honey ringlets framing her tiny face, I never get tired of seeing, my light, sleeping. I slowly slip out and let her sleep. I walk down the stairs to the kitchen, as I see my luscious man of a husband dancing while making omelets, I laugh. He hears me and turns around, and just smiles and looks at me up and down and winks.

He says, "I never get tired of seeing you like this." As he gives me a passionate kiss. I always need to catch my breathe after.

"She will wake up soon, so we have to stop before neither of us wants too." I say in between kisses.

"Oops I'm already at that point."

We laugh as I start to make the table for breakfast and he walks back and finishes the veggie omelets.

"So are you going to tell me why you're upset? Or am I gonna have to beat it out of you?"

He sighed, "I never could hide anything from you."

"So why start trying? Now soil what's wrong papa bear?"

" it's just you know how dad can be, a pain in the ass, well he called Alex for help on a case and well it's just ticking me off a little."

"Oh my god, your sister Alex? How you not tell me?! I've been wanting to meet her-"

"Honey, I know and I invited her to come over but she just didn't say anything and I didn't want to bring up again."

"Oh sweet cheeks, I'm sure she's a bit overwhelmed with being back here, memories even the most treasured, can hurt when revisited."

"I know baby, but she wasn't the only one who lost someone..."

"I know, baby. Just talk after the case. Okay? Promise me?"

He smiles, "I promise."

We wake Anayeli to eat and then get ready for our day.

I drop Naye at school, as I watch her go I can't imagine my life without her. I met her when I was in a dark place- a hole I couldn't dig out of- she became a beacon of hope for me. I cried when our adoption when finalized, not only because it was official, it was more than that. Family.

I couldn't stay in New York after what happen, so we moved to Kansas City, and boy was it the best decision of my life.

As I make my way to my office, I let it sink it about how I became the #1 security specialist in the state. I went from dirty hacker to the true Oracle of all knowing. I smile as I get started with paperwork, making phone calls, and the typical meetings. Even though It's pretty mundane, I love it.

As soon as I wrap it up for the day, I pick up Naye. We go for ice cream and to the park, Scott text me that he would be home late tonight. So, I put my little teacup to bed. As I waited for Scott, I knitted.

Life was perfect, till I received a phone call...


	3. Chapter 3

Racing. My heart is racing as I'm waiting at the hospital. My father in law called to let me know that Scott had been injured on the job. A nurse comes out to take me to his room.

I see my father in law, I rush to his arms into a hug, "Ohmygod is he okay? Where is he?"

"Yes. They want to keep him for observation. He's in with the doctor now. I'm going to call Alex. Let her know he's okay."

"Yes. Of course." I hug him and walk into the room.

"You are very lucky, Mr. Scott. Slight concussion but I would say you'll be just fine. Tomorrow, you'll get released." The doctor is speaking as I enter.

"You must be Mrs. Miller. Nice to meet. You. Your husband is fine, he is simply staying tonight for observation." He spoke as I shook his hand. Then he exits.

I stare at Scott wide eyed, tears wanting to burst through. I walk to his side, and just hold him.

He coos, "Honey, I'm fine. Please don't cry. It's okay. I hate to see you cry."

I look up and say infuriated, "Then why would you go by yourself?! I mean did you even think about Me and Naye? What we would have done without you?! She loves you, a ton. You are the father she never had- No you are her father!"

I'm talking so fast and crying and he just holds me and soothes me. He tenderly takes my face into his hand and says' "You are right. I was being incredibly selfish for not thinking of all outcomes. That won't happen again. She is my daughter, I love her. You and her are my life. I'm sorry for scaring you or making you doubt my devotion to you and her. Please don't cry anymore. It hurts to see you cry. I just think about New York and... I never want to see you in that kind of pain., again."

I instantly soften my expression and kiss him.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for freaking out. I love you and got scared. You could never bring me that kind of pain. Now the doctor said you need rest so please rest and I'll be here."

He smiled sweetly, "Babycakes, you need to sleep in a bed, preferably our bed. I'm fine and I'll be home tomorrow. I don't want you being uncomfortable here- I know you hate hospitals."

I'm just about to protest when he cuts me off,-"And I know Naye would love to see you. I'm sure she hasn't slept even though she's with Mandy."

I bite my lip because he's right.

"Okay. Please get some sleep too. I love you."

We part with a kiss.

I get home to see Naye wide awake waiting at the door. Mandy ask about Scott, I fill her in. She informs me that Naye doesn't want to sleep because she wants daddy and mommy to read her a nighttime story. I release Mandy of her duties and thank her for coming on short notice and late at night.

I carry Naye upstairs to our room and tell her daddy has a boo boo and he sends kisses and hugs but has to stay at the hospital to make sure he's in tip top shape for tomorrow. We are snuggling in bed when her tiny little voice speaks, "You promise daddy's alright?"

I kiss her head and respond, "Yes, baby, mommy promises."

With that we both fall into a deep sleep.

 _Next day_

We, of course, wake up late so I rush with getting Naye ready and myself for work. Scott calls to let me know that Alex is going to pick him up from the hospital. He wants to use that time alone to talk to her. I'm happy about that. He really misses her. My father in law also calls that he is gonna have a cookout for the family, while Alex is in town- her coworkers are going to be there as well. He figures it would be a great time to formally meet her and for her to meet her niece. I'm delighted and can't wait. He said her coworkers and the best and very good people.

As the day at work ends, I call Mandy and ask her to pack Naye some play clothes. I just know she's gonna be running around with her soccer ball. I quickly change, then pick up Naye from Mandy's place. Call Scott to let him know we're on our way.

As we get there, I hear chatter in the backyard. As my daughter runs towards her grandfather, I see the same people I once held love for, now all I harbor is resentment.


	4. Chapter 4

I just stare, wide eyed and unable to speak. Their reactions mimicked my own. Alex sensed tension and walked over to where I stood and introduced herself.

"It's good to meet you, finally. Scott's' talking up a storm non stop." She said, with a sight humored tone.

Scott came from the house saw my face and ran towards me. "Baby, you are safe. You are okay. I'm your husband, breathe." He spoke with tenderness.

The team simply stared at the exchange and glanced at each other. I snap out of my reverie. "You know, Alex, I am so happy to have met you and if you have the opportunity- I'd love to do lunch or dinner before you leave? I need to go though. It wouldn't be right, I'm not comfortable..." I said, as I gathered my daughters things. I was about to call her out when someone from the team spoke up.

"Yeah, run- it's what you do best, right?" Morgan said with a look of disgust.

Scott heard him and saw his expression and he was ready to speak up, when I put my hand on his arm and gave him the "let it go" look. He relaxed and I responded, "Agent Morgan, I'm not running. I never have. I just rather be in a welcoming environment."

I took in all of the teams appearance, they definitely had change. When my eyes fell on JJ, her eyes were glued to the little girl that came out the house with her grandfather. She whispered, "You have a daughter?...I have a son..."

I look at her and murmured a congrats, then directed my attention to my baby.

"Baby, we need to go. Say goodbye to grandpa."

She pouts, "Mommy! We just got here! I don't wanna leave."

"Baby, we have too. Now don't give momma a hard time." Scott piped in sternly.

My father in law decided to speak up, "No, you really don't. Naye, sweetie, go inside and paint on that canvas of yours. The adults need to have a little talk."

She gladly ran into the house. I wanted so desperately to get out of there. How is it that I see anger in each of there eyes? When they are the ones who couldn't even answer a phone call.


End file.
